23 4 / 2012

This month I got a job.

Next month I hope my birthday will be fun.

I’m not really hoping for a whole lot, and not a whole lot has changed.

Yay for finishing the challenge~

22 4 / 2012

21 4 / 2012

March or April

In March Mike told me he loved me and stuff was just going pretty damn niftily with him. And I think March was just kinda a good month overall. I don’t really remember though.

And April is when I got my job and realized I’m still going to be dating Mike when he leaves. Which is going to be tough as shit, but at least I’ll still have him.

Btw niftily is in fact a word, my spell check is not complaining about it at all.

19 4 / 2012

Lets see.

The oldest passed away from skin cancer when I was 2. I will never meet her.

My second oldest sister lives in Washington with my two nephews and her husband and their ranch. We talk on facebook occasionally but I have seen her or them in about… 8 years. And I don’t know when I next will.

My youngest oldest sister is 16 years older than me. She lived with us for a little while when I was 3 or 4, we shared a room and she taught me how to color. She hates our mother and has told her so, also telling my mother that she isn’t her real mom. I haven’t seen her since she stopped living with us.

My fourth sibling and only brother I have never met, talked to, or seen a recent picture of.

The first two have one father, the second two have another, and I’m the only child of my mother and father.

18 4 / 2012

That there might be a god.
All they’re doing is watching the earth.
They have no power.
There is no heaven.
There is no hell.

They’re just sitting there, omniscient but powerless.
Watching us all.

Because no reason.

If that god exists.

17 4 / 2012

1. Make me laugh.
2. Be a nerd.
3. Kiss my forehead. In public too.
4. Hold my hand. In public too.
5. Call me babe. In public too.
6. Playfully hit and wrestle with me and kiss me when we’re done and laughing about it.
7. Go along with my decisions as willingly as I’ll go along with yours.
8. Accept that I’m weird as fuck.
9. Like animals and kids.
10. Be yourself.

I just like to feel special.
And all of this makes me feel special.

16 4 / 2012

1. You’re annoying, you bother me, your life honestly has no interest to me whatsoever. But just like last night, everytime you call me with a problem, anytime you need someone to talk to, whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to vent to. I’ll be there. Because I may not like you, but I loved you. And that means something. So I’ll be there.

2. You’re perfect and I love you and you just make me feel and act so gay and then I just post it all over tumblr and it should be embarrassing. But it’s not. It’s not. Because I like being able to say the things I say about you. I’m going to miss you so much.

3. You’re perfect and beautiful and gorgeous and wonderful and sweet and kind and loving and the absolute best huswife I ever could have possibly asked for. Like you are really high up in my friend book. You’re bffl status. And even if you don’t feel that way about me, you’re stuck there. Meaning that much to me. You will not be removed. I love you. <3

4. I haven’t talked to you in quite a while, most of our communication has been cut, and the other forms neither of us are on much or don’t reply much or whatever. But from what you told me in our last conversation, I’m so very happy for you. You’re getting things you’ve wanted for so long and I’m just elated for you. Like seriously. Also I miss you and talking to you. You’re a wonderful person. I’m always gonna bug you when I get the opportunity.

5. Please just give me the few things I need from you that you owe me and stay out of my life as much as possible. Neither of you has really made it all that enjoyable in the past 20 years and I’d rather you didn’t muss it up anymore. Please stop breaking promises and being difficult and acting like children. Just help me out here. You haven’t much in the past, so maybe make up for it now.

15 4 / 2012

What if I had never watched that video by Nova that Brandon sent me about 5 months ago? Would I have still found the Creatures?

What if I had never dated Matt? Would I feel less self conscious about long term relationships?

What if Mike and I stay together when he leaves for the army? How the fuck am I going to handle that?

14 4 / 2012


1- That I’m actually really obnoxious.
2- That when I say I spit loogies it’s not a joke. It happens all day, erryday.
3- That I’m 19? Some girl at work thought I was 23.
4- That I like video games and such. Usually don’t know until I tell them. Or they see my things.
5- That my favorite band is Aerosmith.
6- That I’m really nice.
7- I like cheese.
8- I don’t have a boyfriend. (When I don’t people are always surprised. I don’t know why, but it could be the majority of my life was spent single and it’s like. Why would i have one?)
9- That I don’t really party. Everyone seems to think I do.
10- That I live in Royal Highlands. (When I did)

Honestly I had noooo idea what to put for this one, so I just put things that when I said them or whatever people were like “WHA NO WAY” or things that people told me after they’d known me a while opposed to just getting to know me.

So yeah.

13 4 / 2012

At the moment, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get over the impending sadness of losing Mike.

Whether it be because we break up when he leaves, or we stay together but he’ll be gone.

I can’t get over it right now.
It’s just sitting there in the back of my mind all the time.

I hate it.